Yes, Trump Really Said That, But The Remix Is Funnier

HUMOR/SATIRE:
There are both Democrats and Republicans looking for a place to hide today, after the greatest embarrassment in American history pretended to be president yesterday. Trump’s 77-minute press conference on Thursday was such an incoherent mess, the overriding takeaway is, Trump said what?
You can read the full transcript exactly as it happened here.

However, just for fun, a satirical "remix." Below are Trump’s own words from Thursday’s press conference shuffled into random order, mad-libs style. It's just as incomprehensible, either way. Yes, he really said all this, just not in this order.

One promise after another... of politicians lying… to the American people in order to get elected… It's an illegal process and the press should be ashamed of themselves…

I called Mexico. Same thing with Australia. It's all fake news.

We have great, great people… Hillary Clinton...

Look at Rex Tillerson. Not good…. He's out there negotiating right now… as disgraceful as the failing New York Times...

Ask Jeff Zucker how he got his job. OK?… I fired him… I didn't direct him, but I would have directed him… many other people say that.

Russia.

China.

Japan.

North Korea.

Not good.

Here's another beauty. He didn't just call Russia... Then he said he didn't remember… I have no loans in Russia… But I will say that I never get phone calls from the media…

So I'm dealing with Mexico, I'm dealing with Argentina… What's going to happen when I'm dealing with really, really important subjects…. I'm skipping that information.

The leaks are real…. The reporting is fake.

I know who you are… Finish up then I'll get you... but let me do one at a time.

It's all fake news... That's how I won... God bless America.

Image CC0 Public Domain  https://pixabay.com/en/donald-trump-trump-usa-choice-1818953/

Why are Sen. Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump rising in the polls?

Pundit's and pollsters are scratching their heads wondering why Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and real estate mogul Donald Trump are rising in polls in the 2016 presidential race. For working class Americans, the appeal of these two candidates is clear. They have what the puppet-of-the-rich candidates can't buy: authenticity.

Americans are not as oblivious to life in the real world as wealthy candidates and pundits may think. They know that the government is corrupt and that corporations really aren't "people" no matter what the Supreme Court says. They also know that voting for whichever candidate has the most money hasn't been working out for them.

Although it could be argued that Sen. Sanders, running as a Democrat, and Donald Trump, running as a Republican, are on opposites side of the political spectrum, they actually have similar positions on things like keeping Social Security out of the greedy hands of Wall Street bankers with a government privatization scheme.

No matter what the talking heads in the media say, there is a freshness in the plain and authentic talk coming from these two men that is resonating with average Americans. They say what they mean without pandering to the lunatic fringe, and more importantly, they don't seem to care what the donor class thinks of them.

If the US has any hope of emerging from the smothering corrupting influence of Citizens United, it will have to come from a candidate that has not been pre-packaged and pre-paid for by a handful of billionaire CEO's and lobbyists interested only in their own bottom line.

Learn more about Sen. Bernie Sanders on the issues here

Learn more about Donald Trump on the issues here




Photo credits

Donald Trump image:
"Donald Trump March 2015" by Michael Vadon - https://www.flickr.com/photos/80038275@N00/16512978040/. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Donald_Trump_March_2015.jpg#/media/File:Donald_Trump_March_2015.jpghttps://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Donald_Trump_March_2015.jpg#/media/File:Donald_Trump_March_2015.jpg

Bernie Sanders image: United States Congress - http://sanders.senate.gov/

Donald Trump for president on MSNBC's Morning Joe

Image via Wikipedia

Donald Trump gave MSNBC Morning Joe hosts, Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough some straight talk about what he sees as America’s biggest problems and his possible bid for the White House in 2012. Trump cited agreements with OPEC and China as issues that are working against economic progress in the U.S. He said “We don’t make anything here anymore. Why is that?” Trump also said that Americans make better products than the ones imported from China and that there is no excuse for us to be giving away our jobs. “I buy a lot of products from China – it’s always breaking,” Trump said.

With some changes to our trade agreements with China, Trump was also confident that our budget deficit problems would be solved.

On the energy front, Trump was critical of OPEC. He said, “We have to break OPEC.” Then in the straight-talking form he is famous for, he added, “Hey look, half of these people are there because of us. We created OPEC by protecting them so, like, Saddam Hussein and others didn’t take them over a long time ago; like Kuwait, who are big investors outside of the United States. They don’t want to invest in the United States because their return isn’t good enough in the United States. And yet we handed the country back to them; didn’t ask for payment. We put out all the fires of the oil wells and Kuwait is out there saying, no I’d rather invest in China because the return on investment is better; OK, Give me a break.”

 

“What happens with OPEC is an all time classic. These eleven men sit around a table and they fix the price of oil.” He added, “The way we run this country is an absolute disgrace.” We talk about things, “but nothing ever gets done.”

 

Trump said OPEC and China are sucking the blood out of this country. “Did you ever notice that when things are going good in this country oil prices go up?... we have to do something about OPEC, and we have to do something about China and other countries.”

 

As far as a run for the presidency in 2012, Trump said he is quite happy running is Real Estate Empire, but added, “I’d run as a Republican.” When pressed by Brzezinski for details, Trump said he’s considering running because “There’s a frustration on how stupidly our country is run.” 

 

It sounds like Trump feels he could do a better job at running the country. There are not many Americans who would disagree that the current leadership, both Democrats and Republicans, seem to be good at everything but getting the job done.

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